Few people talk about the voice, the one that talks to us all day, every day. The voice that tells us what to do, what is possible and how we should feel. Listen to the voice and we spend our lives ruminating over the past or beating ourselves up about events that haven’t happened. We become so lost in thought that we are never fully present.
Before my training contract, I went on silent meditation retreats. There was no stimuli: no phones, books or conversation. It was just me and my thoughts. This was an early turning point for me because I learned that I am not my thoughts. The self talk, sensations and emotions come and go all the time, whether I like it or not. I can notice them, but I don’t need to latch on. I don’t need to turn it into a story, to build a narrative and amplify the feelings. I can develop a practice where I focus on the feeling of my feet on the floor and realise that, in this present moment, nothing bad is actually happening.
This week, I have been noticing how many little uncomfortable situations I avoid. Normally, I don’t even notice these things; they are so ingrained that I default to taking an easier path to avoid something scary.
But every so often, there is a space between the thought and the action I take. I ask myself: Why don’t I speak to that person? Why don’t I ask that question? Why don’t I make that call?
And then I do it, and it’s thrilling.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyway!